hahafreshtildeath:

My hot pocket was in the microwave. 

it’s not anymore lol 

so I got home from a party and went in the house 

and Jasper was outside

he’s still outside 

and I think he’s crying because he’s scared of the dark

this is priceless

hahafreshtildeath:

Didn’t know you celebrated Hitler’s birthday …

Oh, right. It’s his birthday. 

/continues rolling. 

This one’s for Hitler! 

Now if everyone would get off my ass and let me smoke, that’d be great.